It's the BENCH BUSH Movement!

It has come to my attention that our non-sectarian municipal celebration of spring, Opening Day at Busch Stadium, an event that traditionally unites the entire St. Louis area across political, religious, ethnic and racial lines, is being hijacked this year by George W. Bush for partisan political purposes. Our city, our baseball team and ourselves (if we intend to be at the game) will be used as the "Middle America" backdrop for a campaign event to re-elect Shrub as the cameras record the president throwing out the first pitch on opening day, Monday, April 5.

If you agree that George W. Bush was BORN on third base but seems to think HE hit the triple, that the Bush economy is way out of bounds, that Bush only seems to go to bat for his corporate cronies, that his invasion of Iraq has got our soldiers caught in a squeeze play over there, then we should use his visit to St. Louis to let him know that this November, we're going to send Dubya down to the minors. It's time to BENCH BUSH!

Here are some ways that you can participate:

CREATE A SIGN.

As American citizens, we don't need tickets to gather outside of Busch stadium with signs that expresses our opinions of the president's visit. There will be individuals and organized groups doing that for sure.

I imagine the Cardinals front office will impose a "no sign" policy for ticket holders entering the stadium since they would be asking for a lawsuit if they let in Go Cards signs but confiscate Bush Sucks signs. Certainly no sticks or poles will be allowed in.

So if you're going in to see the game, I'm suggesting bed sheet and/or pillow case signs of your own design that fold up for easy and convenient concealment in one's underwear! Now, if I'm the only one with a sign like that, I'm afraid I will be busted and miss the game. What is called for here are hundreds - or thousands! - of sign-bearing fans!

I think it's important that we conceal the signs until the instant that Flight Suit appears on the field. The moment of his pitch is too late, any time before his arrival on the field is too early. This is a made-for-TV moment for the Bushies, and the networks just might cut to our signs during his trip to home plate, especially if there are LOTS of signs.

BUY A T-SHIRT

We're printing opening day 2004 souvenir BENCH BUSH T-shirts. They can be purchased for $10 at Riddle's Penultimate Café and Wine Bar, 6307 Delmar Blvd. in the U. City Loop.

Whether you've got a ticket to get into the stadium or not, please join the crowd out front with your attractive new BENCH BUSH T-shirt and a sign of your own. It you're going into the game, wear something over the T-shirt, hide your sign down your drawers and reveal both only when you see George Bush come on the field before the game starts.

When the president appears, show your shirt and/or sign and begin moving around the main aisles inside the stadium. Have a good time.Make a lot of noise. Look for TV cameras.

HELP US BRAINSTORM

Here are a few ideas for signs:

BENCH BUSH

BUSH STRIKES OUT

BUSH: 4 YEARS = 3 STRIKES

SEND W. DOWN TO THE MINORS

NO MORE TEXAS-LEAGUE PRESIDENTS

GEORGE W. BUSH LEAGUE

REMOVE BUSH, NOT BUSCH

NOVEMBER 2 - IT'S WHOLE NEW BALL GAME

Now, you think of some! Send them to (Andy@RiddlesCafe.com) along with any ideas you have to help us BENCH BUSH on opening day. I'll update this page with your input.

Remember, the April 5 game is scheduled for 3:15 p.m. but extra security is going to slow everybody down and you want time to check out all the signs and T-shirts outside the stadium. Give yourself plenty of time or you might miss the first pitch!

Know anybody who likes baseball and/or dislikes Bush? Email this page to everybody in your address book. We can make a significant political statement and then sit back with a cold, frosty one to enjoy the first Red Bird victory of the season.

-Andy Ayers

owner/chef

Riddle's Penultimate Café & Wine Bar